Report Card Whisperer Pillows

"While it's true most of my grades have gone down, most were on low volume."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Rising Gas Prices

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Dunhomin"

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

Ukraine War Clouds

It's worse than you think, it goes down to the third floor.

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

'It's agreed, Members of the board will not take certain aspects of the annual report too personally.'

'Pss-st, Harley-Davidson is up one-and-a-quarter...pass it on.'

"Yes, it's report card time again."

Rudloph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Goes Down in History.

'You can come in now - the auditors have gone.'

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

Today's Topic: "The value of money" You know what they say, Frank, "money talks." Whenever my money starts to talk, I get a bill to shut it up.

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

Tax Preparation Service - Free alterations.

Bull markets don't go up forever.

Creative Accounting

"I haven't been this pessimistic about investing since yesterday."

"What's the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? Jail."

"It's a report card, not a credit card -- you don't get cash back."