Spreadsheet Whisperer Pillows

"Remember, 'accounting' and 'accountability': nothing in common."

'It's agreed, Members of the board will not take certain aspects of the annual report too personally.'

'Just saying I'm a CPA is boring. I'm going to start saying 'I'm a CPA, as it were.''

Creative Accounting

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'An economist is a bloke who tells you what to do with your money after you've done something else with it!'

It's worse than you think, it goes down to the third floor.

"Dunhomin"

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Concert Pianist.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"I'm sorry, Walter, but I need room to write."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

"Love your feng shui!"

'Lou you have never gotten comfy with spreadsheets, have you?'

Company profit making scheme - Jenkins, you owe us £327.95.

"Now all we need is a good script."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"We're hoping for an upturn in the 5th quarter."

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

Duplass Brothers

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."