Spreadsheet Crooner Pillows

City & Western.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

"Dunhomin"

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

Profits - "It's worse than you think it goes down to the third floor."

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Don't worry,, I checked the figures with wikopedia.'