Repair Whiz Pillows

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Math Teacher

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

Handy-lion

'To explain this extremely complex new imaging system, we've brought in Chuckles.'

A mess of mechanics

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

'Excellent Hoskins, you've got all the right numbers, now shall we see if you can put them in the right order?'

'Still duckin' an' divin'?'

"My garage door opens whenever I change television channels."

'This damn ??,' - 'So that's computer language,'

'Yes, I did give it an oil change myself. I changed to a healthy low calorie oil with no transfats.'

"The good news is a major company has noticed our website. The bad news is they're accusing us of copyright infringement."

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

'The spare's flat too, honey. Toss me that fruitcake.'

"I crunched the numbers and now they're so smooshed up I can't read them."

'I could pop the hood to take a look, but that would break the manufacturer's seal and void your warranty.'

'Your fireplace needs a flue shot.'

'Hi. I'm a new dad. Do you have an app for that?'

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'I knew you had a bit of rough!'

"No, you still look fat."

"Off hand, I'd say your bumpy ride is due to your tires, but just to be sure, I'll run a bunch of computer diagnostics."

Taxman takes money from Man doing up a house

Drastic Oil Change

Hansen's Glue-All Multi-Purpose Glue

We found the problem it's your alternator.

"It's going to cost more than it's worth to fix it. In fact, it's going to cost more than it's worth just to dispose of it."

The Republican Machine