Renting A House Pillows

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

House hunting is cruel.

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Full central heating and hardwood floors throughout, the flat also benefits from being close to all major transport routes."

"It's a little bit small,but it's got great cross ventilation."

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

The lessor of two evils.

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

"He huffed and he puffed and he increased our rent."

'Well, at least the landlord can't complain about a flat fish!'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Shoe for Rent

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'