Starting To Rent Pillows

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Tenants Wanted: "We're in luck, boys!"

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Full central heating and hardwood floors throughout, the flat also benefits from being close to all major transport routes."

"It's a little bit small,but it's got great cross ventilation."

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Dear, your father and I were thinking that maybe it's time you got a place of your own."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

The lessor of two evils.

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

"He huffed and he puffed and he increased our rent."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Well, at least the landlord can't complain about a flat fish!'

Shoe for Rent

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"