Rental Agent Pillows

"Of course, it's hard to tell what a place really looks like without furniture."

"You really are something else Harrison. I asked you to get me a hire car, h-i-r-e, not h-i-g-h-e-r!"

'No hot water? That's OK. I only take cold showers.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

The lessor of two evils.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"Sign here, initial here, rassle Zeke for the keys and you're all set."

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

Valentines for Real Estate

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

Almost sold.

"It's not a listing error. This really is a dream house because you have to imagine it."