Property Agent Pillows

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

Valentines for Real Estate

New house smell.

'So, what are the neighbors like? Delicious?'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

"Actually, we'd feel a lot safer in a Jewish neighborhood."

A car drives past a sign that reads "Welcome to Condoville and the illusion of owning your own property."

'Oh, no, I'm not selling the house, just the sign.'

"It's not a listing error. This really is a dream house because you have to imagine it."

"Those are the Petersons - they're waiting for our price to go down."

'Joan! Joan! remember earlier we were showing that estate agent around the house and he disappeared?... well I've just found him!'

'This should be prime beachfront property if California does sink into the ocean,'

"The owners have switched from low-flow to 'no-flow' faucets!"

Pay attention if an estate agent offer you an old property.

"Did I mention it was close to transport?"

"But what's really special about this place is that there is not even the faintest hint of Kirstie Allsopp."

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"

"I have found a house in your price range, but it will be a long commute every day from Greenland."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"This one is a storybook Arts and Crafts home. The glitter stencils and macaroni art is all original."

"It's like they say - location, location, location."

"Million dollar view..."

Property Management (Scam) Company

"...and I'm sure you've already noticed how deep the carpet pile is!"

"When I saw this place, I thought of you guys."

"About that house I bought from you three years ago - the heating system keeps breaking down, the pipes leak, the foundation is cracking...I want my money back."

"I'm really not fond of water, but I admit water views are quite nice..."

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

'It's close to all the main schools, but try not to let that put you off.'

"The microwave is smart, but the refrigerator is woke."

'I thought you'd be calling me sooner or later.'

A house with a For Sale sign out in front that reads "Might be for sale".

A sign outside a house reads "For sale! Everything must go! Walls! Ceilings! Floors! And much, much more!".

"Oh, good, they're in."