Rent Crisis Chuckle Pillows

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

Repossessions

"I've downsized."

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

William and Real Estate

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

Red Ink: "Busy as a bee, Ted, given the niche we've cut out for ourselves."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'Water is included with rent.'

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

Shoe for Rent

Snail Estate Agents

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"Considering the rental market, this property offers a fantastic view, and they'll drop the restrictions."

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

"... It's a housing bubble."

'We did have something in your price range, but the Big, Bad Wolf blew it down.'

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

'I'm sorry but I need your bed. I've just been kicked out my flat.'

'Another self build...'

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."

Dunloanin...bank manager.