Remote Wizard Gifts

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

WiFi Signals

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

All the apps hidden within a phone

Homo Zapiens

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

Gerald Ratner's return

'It's not a desert island - it's Australia.'

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"Hey Dolly, get back here!"

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

The imagery attacks the compalcency of the casual web surfer and uses a visual cacophony of discordant images to excite and enthusethe casual visitor...

"Now that she works from home we never get to use the computer."

Websiteless -- please help.

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Spells. I love Wiccanpedia!

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

The Town Tweeter

Man struggling to carry a giant tv remote control with hundreds of channels.