Remote Collector Gifts

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"Nuts to you, too."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Orthopaedist

"I wonder what this was for."

"Please feel free to browse."

'Universal remote, my eye!'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'How old is this vase?'

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Here is your new stereo. It's got a SupaDeep Woofer System, with it's high octane surround sound, I'm sure it will fit smoothly into your life. But for God's sake; don't turn it on.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'Hey Dad, how about a game of ispy?'

'They say that these are also handy for carrying a sleeping bag, pad, tent, foul weather gear, extra clothes, trail mix...'

Since the invention of the remote control, the average American man has gained 34 pounds!: 'Where is that thing!?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."