Reluctant Office Hero Pillows

"I didn't go to work today. I gathered firewood instead."

Golfing Boss

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Mental To-Do List

"He took that kinda hard."

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Employee of the Month: One of the perks of self-employment

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

'I try to go to the office once-a-week just to see how I'm doing.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'The printer repair guy.'

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

'You should've seen how he stood his ground with the board of directors this morning. I swear, the guy must have icewater in his veins!'

'Don't worry. I can still reach back for that 98 mile-per-hour fast ball.'

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

'We've listened to staff concerns about the need for more training.'

Lethargics Anonymous - In, Out and Pending Trays.

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

Burning the midnight oil again?

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'Of course your computer crashed, you threw it out the third floor window.'

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."