Relocating To Florida T-Shirts

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

'Well, shoot. Now Uncle Hector's caught in the ice! It's enough to make you want to move to Florida.'

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

While You Were Out: We Moved!

"Apparently the wee pancake by itself had been breakfast."

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

Greetings from VARICOSE VILLAGE, a Florida golfing community featuring a shopping mall, restaurants and hospitals.

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

Frosty, the Golden Years

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

Animal immigration

On today's Ask Sadie Radio Hour, we discuss one topic: the constant flirtation with fleeing to Canada. Canada has universal health insurance, far fewer killings, much less bigotry, more social mobility, better schools, less obesity, 50 weeks maternity leave, blah blah blah. But that means nothing, because you know what they don't have? Panicky media telling you who to blame for the sky falling! We'll be back, after this message from Depends Undergarments.

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Nest building

"Avez-vous Cocoa Puffs?"

'I know you're doing your best, but I'm getting awfully tired of cream of coconut soup.'

"Yeah you can pretty much get anything in Florida."

Welcome to Ontario...yoo-oo-ooo-ooo- are here!

"I moved to the coast to get away from the Inland Revenue..."

"You can pack this back up now."

Emigrating to Oz.

'Sea shell with earphones attached.'

Ye Haul.

To Antarctica

'We're reducing office space, Trubshaw. You're under 'T' below.'

Frank and I are looking into moving to that new condo that went up next door

Couple in sunglasses begging with a sign that reads - 'Holiday Homeless - Please help'.

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

"That's the 'big apple' son...if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere!"