Religious Studies Class Pillows

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"The hyenas started it."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Yes, all at once!'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

How world war III started.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

Hot cross buns

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'