Religious Instructor Pillows

Pray it Don't Spry it.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Moses as a child.

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

"So, if the Pope is pious, what kind of pie is he... apple?"

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."