Religious Humor Pillows

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"We'd like to share a message about Dog."

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

'By the way, Mrs Wilson. Why haven't I seen you in church lately.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"You call this a constitution?"

Dogma

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Please take your receipt!'

Sermon Applause.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

United Church of OMG

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Finger puppets in church.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

A woman in prayer