Religious Comedy Fan Pillows

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

Surfing Israelite

"OMG, LOL!"

'No gold, frankincense and myrrh, I'm afraid. We were held up at gunpoint by the sheep.'

"Let's try this church. They welcome all denominations!"

"Do you know what happened to my St. Pius figurine?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"You call this a constitution?"

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Dogma

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'Please take your receipt!'

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

A woman in prayer

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."