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"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

"I really enjoyed the Bible."

Bureau of Pursing Missions. They're in charge of financing missionary work.

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

'God's dead. We're closed.'

The Origin of Creationism

"I bet that under your preachy, holier-than-thou attitude is another preachy, holier-than-thou attitude."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

'I'm writing a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks'.'

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor

"Lucky!"

"My dating life has come down to choosing between bad breath and bad credit."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'How does it make you feel when he doesn't acknowledge all the hard work you put into gathering?'

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

Sinner/Devout.

"Twenty years ago, I invited you in for a nightcap. I now retract that invitation."

'This babbling brook reminds me I should probably call my wife.'

"That's just my memory mattress."

"I wish we had a diary room - someone who would listen to me."