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The Last S'up

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

How world war III started.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

The ten ammendments

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !