Relaxed Stock Market Guru Gifts

'The acme fund...1 yr, 10...5 yr, 12...10 yr, 17.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Just go with the workflow."

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

Business News.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'Sell South Africa!'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

The early days of Warren Buffett.

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

Warren Buffett

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'I left, the day I retire, in the hands of the Dow, NASDAQ and Fred.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'Let him yell. I've brought him his Wall Street Journal every day for 6 years and hasn't given me one tip yet.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.