Lighthearted Financial Commentator Gifts

'Stay away from her.. she can go through your allowance fast.'

British savings accounts

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Budget Cuts

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

'I'm an economist, but I try not to take myself too seriously.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

I'm not guilty of insider trading. I've been out here all afternoon!