Relaxed Stock Market Guru T-Shirts

'The acme fund...1 yr, 10...5 yr, 12...10 yr, 17.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

Business News.

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'Sell South Africa!'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'I left, the day I retire, in the hands of the Dow, NASDAQ and Fred.'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.