Relativity Appreciators Gifts

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

"You've changed."

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

Final words on gravestones.

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

New from Low-Key Press.

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'So much for Newton. Now, as for Einstein...'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'Penny for them, Albert.'

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

Einstein's in and out trays: InOutRelative.

"That isn't allowed either."

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

"I just love your use of lying"

'Space is curved and time is relative, eh? -- Is this your way of asking for a day off?'

Elderly couple

That guy is a walking contradiction.

Michelangelo's David

"Our funding has gone into a black hole."

"And if you press that one, someone will come in and tell you what a good job you're doing,"

"The money's not all that flash here, but you do get recognition for good work."

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'