Relationship Troubles Enthusiast Gifts

'It's another sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week.'

Bear Costume

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Paint pots in love

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We don't talk anymore."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Urns in love

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I'm not laughing at you, dear-I'm laughing with everyone but you."

Romantic Tree Carving

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

An evening with Stanley Bucholtz, relationship MD,,,tonight: 'Just ONE evening,,,'

'Here's to being in love, in a hurry, and in debt.'

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

Tunnel of Love and the Tunnel of Mutual Respect and Admiration.

"See how controlling he is?!"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."