Relationship Troubles Analyst Pillows

'Dear John, It may come as a surprise, but for quite some time now I've been unhappy with our relationship…'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

Awkward First Dates

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Relationships.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"Don't even think about it."