Relationship Troubles Analyst Pillows

'Dear John, It may come as a surprise, but for quite some time now I've been unhappy with our relationship…'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Awkward First Dates

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

Relationships.

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I've had you appraised."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"I need a more interactive you."

"You can't let the tick birds continue to define you."

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"Don't even think about it."

"Are you uncomfortable discussing this because I'm a man or because I'm your husband?"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"