Relationship Repairman Pillows

Man to Marriage Counselor: 'All I'm asking for is a little respect.'

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I don't know who you are!"

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"I love what you've done with him."

Dan and Irene's 'communication problems' improve, thanks to Richard, their couples therapist.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"He never takes me anywhere."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber with the second bathroom saved our marriage."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

'That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Throw a bucket of glitter over it.'

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."

"Honey, would you cover your ears? I want to tell Dr. Kalen something."