Relationship Recallers Gifts

"It's my husband! HURRY! RUN!!!"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"To be honest, I'm not really surprised to hear your relationship isn't working out. You're not the first bacterium and penicillium to sit in those chairs and you certainly won't be the last."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

'I'm writing a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks'.'

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

Gas Pedal Sticking?

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

"Till death do us part? Hey, I thought this was just supposed to be a starter marriage!"

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

I keep taking him back because I'm a big believer in recycling

"Of course I've had some wonderful times since we've been married. Mostly, while you were at work."

'This beeper goes off when it's my Birthday. This beeper goes off on the day we met. This beeper goes off on Valentine's Day...'

"What did we throw at our problems before we had Money?"

'How does it make you feel when he doesn't acknowledge all the hard work you put into gathering?'

"My dating life has come down to choosing between bad breath and bad credit."

"Lucky!"

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

Are you getting enough "me" time, Al? Oh, more than enough, Doctor