Relationship Minimalist Gifts

"And I'm not looking for anything that's long term. overly involved or tricky. I might just get a salad."

"I get one every week. It's for people too busy for relationships."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

All Natural Nothing

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Not to mention the park view."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

"You're the woman of one of my dreams."

Menu. Menu. The good thing about girls' night out is also the bad thing about girls' night out: No men.

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"You're not sick, you're just in love." "I'd like a second opinion."