Relationship Laugher Pillows

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

'Just a little off the top.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Coast to coast.

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"You bite me again and I'll sue."