Relationship Geek Pillows

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Right click for yes...

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Relationship Warning Lights

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'You know too much!'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Now there's a relationship that's working!"

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

Paint pots in love

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."