Relationship Dynamics Adventurer Pillows

"Honey, you’re doing that thing again where you stare into space and wonder how I talked you into leaving the house."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Relationship Warning Lights

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

The perfect man

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

Wife takes husband's place in the pub

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."