Relationship Dynamics Adventurer Pillows

"Honey, you’re doing that thing again where you stare into space and wonder how I talked you into leaving the house."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Relationship Warning Lights

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Awkward First Dates

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

The perfect man

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Wife takes husband's place in the pub

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

Monogamy

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."