Relationship Decoder Gifts

'I read your silly email this morning about me not paying enough attention to you...'

What men say/what men really mean.

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

"Arthur, I need my space."

The Wishing Well

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Heart to heart talk.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"To be honest, I'm not really surprised to hear your relationship isn't working out. You're not the first bacterium and penicillium to sit in those chairs and you certainly won't be the last."

Waterfall of Disappointment