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'...and so, after rehab, Snow White married the prince, and lived one day at a time ever after.'

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"Seriously, this can't be the only stretch you know."

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Lab Rat Rehab...

Addiction Research Centre.

All Washed Up

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

"The good thing is I've given up smoking since I've been here."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Exercise is good for your rehabilitation, you can start by cleaning the toilets.'

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

Twelve step program.

"That 12th step is a doozy."

'Yes, this is step nine of your twelve-step program.'

Half & Half Way House: After being paroled from prison, Bessie starts her journey back into main stream society.

'Taking up knitting has been good therapy for you.'

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

"Look, I know I have a problem, and I'm going to use the money to enter a robbery clinic for evaluation."

Introducing Roach-Hab.

Probation Officer

Social Networking Anonymous 12 Step Program.

Gambling Addiction Treatment Center

'I'm pleased to announce that Gary has successfully completed the first step of the program!' 'I think that calls for a little drink!'