Regulation Whisperer Gifts

'It has something to do with new government regulations.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

Opening the door to new customers

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

Ukraine War Clouds

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

Alternative Accountants

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'Replaced by analytical software. I should have seen it coming.

What the numbers are telling us

'How much is six times seven? -- Who am I to say?'

Right brain accounting.

"Retail shares just went up ten percent. My wife must have gone shopping this morning!"

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

FBI Agents Discuss Grilling Techniques

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!