Regulation Chucklers Gifts

Fisherman: 'Did the DNR say anything about the size of your fish?' Other: 'Yeah. So long.'

One way only.

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

"...And now show us what you said."

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

"So it's agreed then. From now on we're to do our hourse trading in partially smoke-filled rooms."

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'Stop, Mom! Before you touch my room you gotta file an environmental impact statement with the E.P.A.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

'There's a policeman here who thinks I shouldn't be talking on the cellphone while driving.'

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

"Will you help me round up my 38 sheep?" Yes, 40.

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'Sorry, sir...The Health Department requires us to wear hair nets.'

'The regulations don't allow half milk half water...but you're OK with 51%-49%.'

ECJ: it's illegal to call tofu 'cheese'.

Bad ideas...texting your Valentine message.

'Who on EARTH writes a warning that this bag of nuts 'May contain nuts'?'

'He's got a point.'

"Is it true, cows have four stomachs?"

'That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75¢ weenie water disposal surcharge.'