Refunds Pillows

'Sorry, no refunds. Didn't you read our fine print in Sanskrit about our return policy?'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

A DIY disaster.

'Mom! This high resolution screen makes it seem like you're really outdoors!'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'Good dog Spot. You're always there for me when the sand is hot.'

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

Summer reading for the family.

The dark side of Halloween.

Ice Cream Tower.

"Your animal companionship is here!"

'Mom! -- Spot's skinny-dipping again!'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"Tell us again about the humpback of Notre dame."

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

"It seemed like a long timeout."

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'