Refrigerator Sprinter Gifts

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

To do before Saturday...

"Tour de Frank"

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Professional man hurdling

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

Runner's High, Runner's Low

"My son has a magnetic personality. That's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door."

'Bugger it, we're out of beer!'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

He won't stop talking about being the fastest ever. He's a broken record about breaking a record.

Seasonal shopping.

'I asked you to spread GRIT on our icy path...'

Pizza and Related Searches.

Cheetah in at the start of a race, thinking: 'Why do I have to keep proving myself?'

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

'Danny has a magnetic personality...that's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door.'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

'Working from home I've found the most hazardous machine to be the refrigerator.'

"When it came to running, Kevin was second to none."

Little girl running alongside athlete asking for autograph.

Overcoming the obstacles of the Internet

I used to swing from chandeliers. Now I move as quickly as possible from restroom to restroom.

"Well, the bad news is I can't find the mustard . . ."

'Spinout!'

'I hope you like it. I call it refrigerator cleanout casserole.'

"I wrote my thesis in just one day. Is there something wrong with that?"

'Wow! She's fast. She even had time to do her shopping!'

'I can't find my keys!'

Huge, steroid taking sprinter.

'He was our top salesman. We hope that one day, he will be again.'

'I found Cheez Whiz back here!'

Burger Discus

"I like a little insurance that he won't take breaks during his run. I'll give him a few seconds before I release the dogs."