Refrigeration Humorist Pillows

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

Dolphin friendly tuna

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

Hydration

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"My son has a magnetic personality. That's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door."

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

"Is it safe to come out yet?"

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"Now we know what happens when we overachieve the climate goals."

'This should shake things up -- I've just found conclusive evidence that global warming is caused by whales!'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'