Reed Rebel Gifts

Bassoonist cherub.

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"I gotta be me!"

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"I really got used to working from home."

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

100k Desert Crawl

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

'Would you mind terribly taking up some other sport besides long-distance running?'

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

Hip-hop cops on stage.

Fisherman has his dinghy punctured by a swordfish.

'In my opinion the series should have stopped after the first 3 books.'

"Better get a move on, only 1,314,000 steps till Christmas."

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

"Ah, summertime! Robert Potts is sitting in for Jim Jensen, who is sitting in for Harry Reasoner, who is sitting in for Walter Cronkite, who is on vacation."

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

Driverless Car

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

No skating, no parking, no loitering, no cycling, no games, no nothing

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

"I'm just saying you're not allowed to use your phone during class. You're not being de-platformed."

I'm not sharing top billing with you on my radio hour. I created it. I am the vision, the reason people tune in, but I'm not a tyrant. I agree you should get your name in the show's title. The Sadie Cohen Radio Hour graciously allows a pervert to make occasional comments. Speak, pervert. Bite me, Tyrant.

BBC radio one... Please Leave Your Brain at the Door