Redneck Aficionado T-Shirts

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

Abacus.

Neil Young

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

Christine McVie

Liam Gallagher

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

A Redneck Cupid with a shotgun about to fire open a Boy and Girl redneck couple.

"I know it's a little old-fashioned, but I'm a Capricorn, and I thought it would be romantic if I carried you over the cusp of our First House."

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

"I don't recognize the first two fellers, but I'm pretty sure the one on the right is the Hop-A-Long Kid."

Ain't No One Ever Messed With Cactus Arm Johnson

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

A punk rocks out to a John Denver song on karaoke night.

They're bred specifically for the holiday season.

Steven Tyler

Cowboy takes selfie with his wanted poster.

"Great, now they all want a scarf."

Stoop Fan

Country Pub Walk

Randy, if you could be any superhero, which one would you be? I'd be Randy-Man. He came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. He's slower than a speeding bullet, because he takes his time in all things. He can change the course of a lady's evening with a single smile. I don't think The Avengers would have much use for Randy-Man.

Cactus in desert with gun!

'No Farmer Bob, that is not a medical book to help treat the sore ass.'

Hillbilly playing Banjo.

Joni Mitchell

West Fester needs to get with it! Sorry, Twig. We like it dull. Tuba concert. We want quiet, steady citizens. Isn't that discrimination? Only against exciting folks. We welcome boring persons of all races, creeds and sexual orientations. Wow! A rainbow of monotony.

Smalltown, U.S.A.

"When it comes to technology, Fred lives in the moment. The moment is 1987."

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

'You will look simply marvelous in this newest one from our road kill collection!'