Red Tape Critic Gifts

'Before they give us the funding they want to see a 3 year blind study, peer reviewed and carried out by a recognised academic authority . . .'

"Some call it 'traditions', others call it 'useless specifications', 'unrealistic targets' and 'ineffective work processes'."

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

Distractions: Work Disputes

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Climbing in the Bureaucracy.

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Planning permission REFUSED...

Diabolical bureaucratic management

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Failure is not an option. But inaction due to foot-dragging and red tape is a definite possibility.'

Happy holidays from the IRS! To celebrate we've switched our usual red tape to red ribbon!

"It can cut through anything ... well, almost anything. There still is governmental red tape."

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

A day at the UN.

'We struck these tax laws, but they somehow spontaneously regenerated into line 501(c), section 746-e, subsection (3), as described in paragraph (2).'

'Does he mean before or after the needs survey?'