Recruiter With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

RAF interviews - '...and what experience do you have as a kamikaze pilot?'

Deer Season Open.

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Urine Catcher

When staffing agencies screw up.

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

Lateral Recruits

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

"We were actually looking to recruit more cats."

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

"I can start you on minimal wage."

Dippy secretary.

-I need the day off, please. It;s our silver anniversary. -You mean I have to put up with this every 25 years?

"You brought your mom to the interview as a personal reference?"

-

"You understand that we screen applicants pretty thoroughly."