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Help for Alcoholism

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Self-esteem room

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'