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'It's black pudding - I'm trying to quit.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"... ad that's when I got into the harder stuff, biscotti."

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

The smoking Gun

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '

Smoking ban in the Indian Camp.

"I'll have you know that I'm not breathing fire at all. I'm having a vape."

"So what did you die of?" "Alcoholism. And You?" "Nationalism."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

Lab Rat Rehab...

"We need to break your addiction to prescription drugs. Let's see if this prescription helps."

"Refresh my memory-why do we meet once a week?"

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

'I remember when you were this high!'

Alcohol Problem Advisor - 'How do I mix a Bismark?'

"I'm glad you're trying to quit smoking Dr. Jekyll, but the withdrawal symptoms turn you into a completely different person!"

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

'My job is safe. This guy is a regular and he drinks to forget.'

'I'd like to quit drinking, but it's all I KNOW!'

"About time!"