Record Breaker Admirer T-Shirts

'Put the moon up another 10 cm. I'm going for the record!'

World's Oldest Ball Boy.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Red hot little combo

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

"It took a lot of hard work to get here, but it was all worth it in the end."

"Another world record - it must be faster water."

'When you're swimming at night and something gives you a bite, it's a Moray! You think it's a seal but it's really an eel, it's a Moray!'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"When I'm grown up I don't want to poop on small cars in little cow towns. I want to poop on the limousines of the rich and famous on the Champs Elysees."

Military General with numerals medals and uniform decorations with 'cont. on back' sign.

Waldo P. Smith, M.D., PH.D, J.D., M.B.A., $$$

"What are you crying about? You're the one who wins all the awards."

"He's too ambitious, going for a black belt."

"Most people think I'm rich beyond the dreams of avarice. But I dream big."

Champion.

'The royalties from Muffin's internet videos were really good last month!'

"You are breaking so many laws right now I don't even know where to begin."

The Achiever: competing with the appearance of virtue

'I've always been attracted to tall women. Someone I can - you know - climb.'

"Why giraffes have dirty knees."

"No, chasing fifteen cats in one day is not a record. . . unless all of the cats were green."

"I must admit, Johnson is a hell of a salesman."

'I'm getting old and find it hard to zap prey, so, I've bought myself a taser...'

"He's my role model"

'Where do I see myself in five years? -- Right here, I hope.'

Guinness Book of Records

Put yourself in the right places at the right times more often

Eel