Reconnaissance Gifts

"Our sources show this is a heavily trafficked building of importance with ample storage. This must be their nation's capitol."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

National Everything Awareness Day

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

Time for tea and friendship.

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Can't even hold signs well.

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

"All rise."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

While doing routine recon over the pacific ocean, lietenants Cromwell and Olsen make a startling discovery.

Pollution Look

Heart is sewn back together.

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

Honorable mention in science: the Nobel surprise.

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

"Do you have a cure doctor?"

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

Telephone Box

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

Town Hall Meeting.