Recognition Gurus T-Shirts

'We'll parachute in and surprise them with their sales award.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

Preying mantis marriage councellor.

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

Express Therapy

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

Explosion - "About the computer, try to remember the last three keys you pressed."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

We've been together so long, we can finish each other's texts.

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Online Dating for Dummies

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'Yes, I'm a drone and don't do much, but she's a workaholic!'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

Sulking

'I'm good. How are you?'

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

"You've lost what - your Mojo!"

You've discovered how elderly dudes can keep picking up chicks? I've amended Giacomo's Theorem, yes. The pickup number is now direction proportional to age in instances where charm is also directly proportional to age. Journals from Milan to Vegas are publishing my findings. Of course, there's one flaw in my theory. Hold that thought, I feel some gas coming on. It won't apply to most dudes.