Interview Guru T-Shirts

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'I know I interviewed for this job last week, but I've reinvented myself six times since then.'

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

'I'm obedient and I'll work like a dog.'

'OK, that covers strengths. Do you have any weaknesses?'

Presenting a better image

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

The good, the bad & the ugly.

"It's an interview, we don't do do-overs."

"I've been in this business a long time Tom, and I recognise talent when I see it...unfortunately you haven't got any!"

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

"Our psychologists find him stable and ambitious, he's led an exemplary life, and has a fine family. One slight drawback: he knows nothing about engineering."

"Please do remember us in the future. There's no reason to limit your rejections to just this one time."

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

"We're looking for someone with a high level of self-confidence, Mr Anthony. Unfortunately, I think you're overqualified."

'Moses, you're impressing the heck out of me with your resume.'

I expected a little more than 'smarter than he looks'!

Don't let your interview outfit overpower your personality.

Cloned Man Waiting.

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Sir Winston Churchill

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."