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"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

A Good Batch.

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'Oh, crap.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"The new house is almost ready!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

The Meaning of Life

'The meaning of life??? How the hell should I know? Try Google.'

'I always answer their questions with a question - it drives them nuts!'