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"Ironically, this is the living room."

A Good Batch.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

"The new house is almost ready!"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

The Meaning of Life

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

'I always answer their questions with a question - it drives them nuts!'

'Are you our new glue-ru?'