Recipe Alchemist T-Shirts

Nigella Lawson.

Party time.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"I said slime."

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Olive Oil

"First you make a roux."

I bake my own bread.

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Baker

'So, what do you think of my first attempt at making homemade wine?'